A Happy Penguin

Despite I have a "Swallow" in my middle name, lately I have started to feel like I look like a penguin especially after a big meal, haha!! A colleague yesterday commented I look strong compared to other women. Well, I took it positively, and believed he meant I don't look weak. However, if I were to flip and read the other side of the coin, he might have probably implied I am FAT! HaHa .. whatever .. as long as I am healthy and happy ;-)

No Visitors, Again?

Earlier on, I was slightly upset when no one participated in the poll I prepared, so I removed the widget the next day. 

I almost wanted to remove another widget last Friday, but it was a pleasant surprise to learn that my blog does have readers and visitors, the statistics counter wasn't lying afterall ;-)

The Greatest Mistake Is Giving Up

I thought I have cut down my carbo intake, "pull away my sweet tooth", and adopt a healthier lifestyle these days. Strangely, those people who see me these two weeks, keep telling me I have gained weight INSTEAD.

I wonder whether my sacrifices in the past 8 weeks made sense, or the exercise that I have carried out are not sufficient to support my weight loss goal.

I wonder how could those extra weight cling on to me when I am so careful with my diet.

I flipped through a glossy magazine in the salon when I was waiting for my hair to get done, and the report says my size is considered as obese in USA, UK, Australia, Hong Kong and Singapore, and I am also in the obese range using their "revised" BMI matrix.

I thought I've lost a kilo. Although I shouldn't be so happy about the mere 1 kilo. It's a good motivator, don't you agree?!

I knew I should be happy in whatever weight range I am, as long as I am healthy. But, which woman in the right mind would response with: "Oh yeah, I've gained weight .. oh that's good news. I've been wanting to gain a kilo or two to look more attractive!"

The only explanation I could give myself to my weight gain: I may be self-deceiving. I may be eating more than before to compensate the thought that I am exercising more now.

It's depressing when I found out that I couldn't wear my favourite clothes anymore. As time passes, they look so tiny to me now. How did I fit in those clothes before??

If I could lose 10 kilos before, why can't I do the same now?

Definitely, May Be .. Shopaholic

I love statistics, but I don't believe in the application of statistics in lottery winning. Some dreamt about a combination of numbers, bought the lottery number, got the prize - to date, I believe this is purely luck. There are some research investigating whether lottery winning is based on the game of probability or people are just simply lucky. 

Yesterday, to de-stress during lunch break, I was thinking on a few things I may do/buy if I was that lucky to win a lottery of $50k. I know this is boring .. well, just some random thoughts. 

Yeah definitely. Family holiday trip and sponsoring education are always on top of my list. Taking my family on a two weeks holiday visiting a few of the UNESCO World Heritage Sites would be enriching and de-stressing. Then, I am thinking of sponsoring education of some children in the less developed world. I am a strong believer of education as one of the most effective tools to break their vicious cycle of poverty. 

And, what will I buy? The list rolled from 1 item to 3 items then to 6, but I stopped at #8. 

Coach Bleecker Canvas Tote

Rado Sintra Jubile Watch

Tiffany "Please Return To" Ring

March Jacobs Sunglasses

Cartier Love Bangle

Mont Blanc Signing Pen

Marc Jacobs Dress

Marc Jacobs Trenchcoat

During my first economics lesson, my teacher taught the class: [Resources are Limited, but Wants are Unlimited].

Pancakeism page 110708 says: [Before 35, you buy mainly because you want them. After 35, you buy because you need them. But, to add on what have been said, there is variation in everyone's bandwidth of wants and needs].

Life 2 Unfair

For the past two nights, I have been dreaming of pregnancy and baby. One of the more reliable sources deciphers "pregnancy" as "you have supressed many thoughts and ideas inside you", and "baby" implies "new ideas".

In a way, it may be true. There are many men and women my age, who don't have to work hard to get what they want. Some that I have come to know, even have good things fall on their plates without much effort.

Life is so unfair, to me. In the past 12 months, I have been thinking of this issue. I have blamed it on my capability a few times before, I have blamed on my luck, I have blamed on my networking skills, I have blamed on faith, I have blamed on time, I have blamed on many things, and recently I have just come to notice - even without those factors that I have put the blame on, outcome will still be the same for many of the things I am experiencing now.

My career is going nowhere. There are many who acknowledge my capability, and there are many who also putting many things dificult for me. I am friendly for I was raised to treat everyone as equal, and I am a firm believer of respect and not putting anyone down.

Yesterday I was very upset for two incidents. (1) I attended a function and was invited to sit beside a senior colleague whom I haven't met for 7 years. Her assistant wasn't aware of the invitation, and told me, "You can't sit here. These seats are for senior administrative officers" (note: no apology or equivalent words were mentioned). Then, (2) a friend was asking me for tips in running. I don't claim experts in this sphere, but I do read a lot in the past 6-7 months since I re-start my fitness regime. A mutual friend heard our conversation, and commented: No use you run on treadmill. That's not real running. That's just leisure.

Be it hobby, sports or leisure, as long as I am healthy, I don't care if it's "real" running or "fake" running!

My relationship sector is hitting the trough, not that I mind it as much as other sectors in my life. A fairly good friend of more than 20 years recently got married, and I am the last one to know in our circle. That guy used to go after me (in the last 3 years) until we had tons and tons of misnderstandings build up since last August. There weren't much going on between us, but I was upset when I heard the wedding news through the grapevine. Someone also told me Mr Scorpio recently has another new baby, and asked it I still stay in touch with him. What's the point of hanging on to the last chapter, when everyone else is eager to read the new chapters. And I also put a full stop to the tangle with a younger guy friend. I wasn't sure whether he was/is admiring me or he likes me as a friend or he likes me as a special friend. He wasn't and still isn't sure. I certainly not sure too.

Younger Guy Friend: I think you like me.

Pancake: I believe I likeD you, yes. I did.

YGF: No woman ever said that directly to me.

Pancake: Well, either you see it as I am wiser, or I am older.

YGF: How about now?

Pancake: The feeling has gone coz during those time when you were either unsure or you were avoiding me, I heard rumours about I was craze to be involved with you in "Demi-Kutcher" relationship. Actually, I have given it a thought, but I am not that serious in pursuing a fruitless relationship with you, so I have put a full stop to my feelings.

YGF: Can full stop be reverted into a comma?

Pancake: No. I don't see a future. Hobby wise, we click. Life wise, you are almost a decade younger than me. I don't want to be asked if I were your mother when I am 55. Ok, I think too much. I tend to think too much, but that's I am.

Well, I believe I am not the only one who found life's unfair. I am sure many found it the same way too. But that's life, isn't it.

Is Knowing = Believing?

I can't believe how time flies. Today is the "Chap Goh Mei" (read: it marks the fifteenth day of Lunar New Year, also sometimes people refer today as "Chinese Valentine's).

Last year this time, I was very moody, and it took me a whole two weeks to pull my thinking out of the dark tunnels of my thought (refer: March 03 2007 posting). There was less volatility in my emotions in the past 12 months. I am having better EQ, and able to control my anger and temper rather well in the past 1 year.

I was in my ex teacher's open house two evenings ago. She is the one and only ex-teacher who has become my good friend and also the one and only teacher who has changed my life. She is always very calm, opinionated but objective. She sat down with me and noticed I wasn't very happy when we chatted, which her initial suspect focused on Mr Scorpio. I told her whether Mr Scorpio is now a father of two children or not, does not have any more impacts on me and my emotion. I have moved on to a new chapter of my life.

My moodiness came from rather an irrational reason: I happened to pick up a Feng Sui magazine when I was in the hair saloon few days ago to wash my hair. The magazine says the year of rat is not that ideal for my work and health sectors. Of course, I won't choose to believe it, but nevertheless those few lines did affect my mood in the past three days. I have decided to spill out my thoughts, in case if you detect depressed tone in my writing again (which I doubt, though). I will be very careful, more careful than before.

Well, Statistics and Feng Sui both predict, but they work on probability not certainty. Based on what I have been trained, I should know this argument better, then why should I have a sulky face still, ha2!

Who Moved My Cheese

I am curious whether the way our head lay on pillow might have an impact on whether we are a left brain or a right brain preference person?

The following paragraphs in quotes are taken from Jim Rees's "Transform the way you live and work".

"Our brain works like a switchboard operator, taking in information, making judgments based on what we believe to be true, and then rationalise and making decisions. Of the many theories in neuroscience, that of the brain dominance is the chapter that I am most interested.

To begin with, our brain has two hemispheres, left and right.

The left brain is more analytical and is responsible for deductive reasoning, logic, discipline, structure, time sequence, mathematics, etc. People with a left brain preference will tend to learn step-by-step, beginning with the details and moving on to the bigger picture.

Strength/Interests:
reading, crosswords/sudoku, logic, story telling, well-structured projects, being organised, rationality.

The right brain is considered to be responsible for the emotions, feelings, intuition, spontaneity, risk-taking, sensitivity and visualising, etc. People with a right brain preference usually start with the overview of a skill and then get into the specifics.

Strength/Interests:
reading for details, intuitive problem solving, art, acting out stories, sports, team work and activities and multi-tasking."

Needless to say, I am a born "left brainer" and a natural nerd. HaHa ...
Now, come back to my question, whether our sleeping pattern might have an influence on our brain preference? I am curious. I am equally curious whether (1) it's possible to have no preference, but rather a balance of both left and right brain functioning, and (2) what is the benchmarking of the "balance"?

"Visualise success in order to succeed" - Jim Rees

Live Life Well

Question: When I am not busy with work, what do I do to kill time?
Response: I play the Big Sister role to advise and nag at my siblings and younger cousins heheee ... Sometimes, I am also the marriage counsellor to my parents!

Topic: Speak Up
Few days ago, I was advising my young girl cousins that when they face problems, they must ask for help. Bottling up is not a solution. I also told them not to keep things from family, say what you want, "let it off your chest otherwise you will get stressed, unnecessarily burnt out before you could even think of a good antidote to your problems."

Topic: Be Bright & Bold
Be Bright & Bold is what I have been advising myself to do this year too. This morning at work, I was sharing with a colleague (a colleague whom my family used to think would be a good bf candidate, and a colleague whom once I was almost forced to accept as my bf. Thank God I didn't, I don't and I won't) some views on a work issue. He told me my decision few months ago has jeapardising one of his work projects. He cut my sentences many times when I tried to clarify. When he left me no room to defend/clarify/explain, I walked away.

Many of you might be thinking I have turned coward in this new year. No, in fact unlike him, I see my job as a sector of my life, not my entire life. Although he is not a bf material, but I see him as a good friend therefore I have offered my help. But he has taken my kindness as weakness, and he has taken my kindness for granted. I didn't want to kill a friendship because of work. Furthermore, I still don't think I have jeapardised his project. If I did, with his "cutting sentences" character, he would have confronted me many months ago. So, who is the coward and who is the hero in this story ;)

One day, he will grow up!

Topic: Make It Happen
I recalled in one of Maggie Cheung's Edinburgh Cinema China interviews, she said "I came here thinking I am doing this festival a big favour. In fact, I am the one who gains the most of all". She smiled and nodded her head at that point (will post that interview in my blog soon). I fully understood her point. Everyone has dreams. Some conjure up dreams and leave them in their head. Some know their dreams but don't bother to achieve them. Some work towards their dreams.

Topic: Don't Take Things For Granted
If some of you may recall, there was one posting which I talked about my parents always complaining they are incompatible to each other. When both of them went to fish market on separate route, they would come back more or less at the same time, with the same type of fish in the same quantity.

Some couples think they are not made for each other. I believe those couples have read too much Mills and Boons. There are no Mills and there are no Boons in this world. Being never married, I don't know what are the crucial components that will make couples compatible? But I believe if you think it's not easy to find the right pair of shoes, then it is 50,000 times harder to find the right spouse. So, don't give up before even you try. May be to begin with, you might want to communicate to find out the problems (see my first topic: Speak Up).

Life is short, Live Life Well!

Could You Hear Me?

Mr Scorpio asked me the last time we had lunch together: Have I done something wrong?

Pancake: Yep, you always say "Listen, Listen".

Mr Scorpio: What's wrong with that?

Pancake: You are not wrong, but you've said it to a person who has listened enough and it's timely for her words to be heard too.

A young colleague asked Pancake three weeks ago, "What kind of guy will attract you?"

Pancake: A guy with good ears.

Colleague: Ears?? All of us have ears.

Pancake: Well, not all of us have a pair of good listening ears.

Post Script: Don't call me a feminist, but I don't agree with the latter part of the book title (see enclosed picture) which says "women can't read maps". Even before the invention of GPS, I could read maps faster, better, and point out more accurate routes than my male friends. The phrase would read more appropriately as "women don't like to read maps" especially when there are men who are willing to read for them.

Goals

• Back then when I was an undergraduate, I loved a concept learnt in my "Comparative Education" lecture called "Discovery Learning". My lecturer described "Discovery Learning" as "one of those moments when you have a light bulb above your head".

• Since mid-February after I have chased away whirlwind of moodiness, I've started to think of many things around me. Many times I feel guilty for making sarcastic comments to my parents even though they are aware that I have their interests at heart. Many times, I also feel I haven't lent any of my listening ears to my siblings. What kind of older sister am I?

• When I am browsing others' blogs, I always ask: How can s/he write such beautiful sentences? Oh, those photos taken are professional. Why no one response to my comments? Apart from Woofhams and her good friend Michelle, no one compliments my blog and my writing.

• Friends told me I always have time for work, but I have no time to pursue and maintain a relationship. When I finally made the effort to show up, He wasn't there. Friends again commented: You have missed the boat. I smiled and replied, "Well, that's fate". My dating periods have never past the benchmark of 5 dates. To date, I still have no idea whether I am such unattractive or I am just unsuitable. I've bought many books and magazines, and tried to find out what Aunties Agony and So-Called-Love-Experts commented on situations like mine. I even looked in love songs to look for reasons. All answers seem to point in the same direction: Time is not ripe yet. Ok, so he is just not the Mr Right. So, why the hurry? If he meant to appear, he will.

• I was reading Woofhams's blog a while ago and noticed a very creative "Ticker" for her to keep track of her Running Goal. I went to visit the Ticker Factory site and thought of adopting one for my blog. I stared at the web page for almost 10 minutes, and poor thing I have realised I have nothing to look forward to. I have no exercise goal. Four years ago, I used to be gym-craze but now I am relying on only walking and my stationary bike. I have no children, and have no due dates or childrens' birthdays to look forward to. If not for my family remembering my birthday every year, I wouldn't be bothered with my own birthday. I am not exactly healthy. I eat well, I don't smoke and I don't drink. I am not waiting to quit any bad habits and not wanting to lose any more weight. I don't grow potty plants. Ally and Bobby are family dogs, not exactly my dogs in a specific sense. Apart from renewing car license and my road tax, I can't think of what specific dates I should remember. May be one: 21st July. Harry potter's 7th book.

• But, revert back to the concept of "Discovery Learning": What I have written may simply imply - Make A New List Of Goals!!!

Pep Talk

Even superhero needs pep talk.

[from trailer] Aunt May: Uncle Ben wouldn't want us living with revenge in our hearts, it's like a poison. It can take you over and turn us into something ugly.

[from trailer] Peter Parker: I don't know what to do ...

Aunt May: I'm sure you'll find it within yourself to do the right thing.

Good Motivation gives Great Power. Great Power comes Great Responsibility.

Courage.Energy.Power

My brother bought me a digital camera for my birthday last year. I hardly use it and still very much rely on my 02 phone camera to take most of daily photos. I must not be complacent with the inferior quality of photos I have taken. I must start to take quality photos using the "proper" camera.

I have written a lot today. I am in the writing mood. I feel very calm and contented with my life. My shoulders have become lighter when I decide to "Let Go" and "Move On".

'Dance like nobody's watching;

love like you've never been hurt.

Sing like nobody's listening;

live like it's heaven on earth.'

- Mark Twain