Friday, March 14, 2008

Life 2 Unfair

For the past two nights, I have been dreaming of pregnancy and baby. One of the more reliable sources deciphers "pregnancy" as "you have supressed many thoughts and ideas inside you", and "baby" implies "new ideas".

In a way, it may be true. There are many men and women my age, who don't have to work hard to get what they want. Some that I have come to know, even have good things fall on their plates without much effort.

Life is so unfair, to me. In the past 12 months, I have been thinking of this issue. I have blamed it on my capability a few times before, I have blamed on my luck, I have blamed on my networking skills, I have blamed on faith, I have blamed on time, I have blamed on many things, and recently I have just come to notice - even without those factors that I have put the blame on, outcome will still be the same for many of the things I am experiencing now.

My career is going nowhere. There are many who acknowledge my capability, and there are many who also putting many things dificult for me. I am friendly for I was raised to treat everyone as equal, and I am a firm believer of respect and not putting anyone down.

Yesterday I was very upset for two incidents. (1) I attended a function and was invited to sit beside a senior colleague whom I haven't met for 7 years. Her assistant wasn't aware of the invitation, and told me, "You can't sit here. These seats are for senior administrative officers" (note: no apology or equivalent words were mentioned). Then, (2) a friend was asking me for tips in running. I don't claim experts in this sphere, but I do read a lot in the past 6-7 months since I re-start my fitness regime. A mutual friend heard our conversation, and commented: No use you run on treadmill. That's not real running. That's just leisure.

Be it hobby, sports or leisure, as long as I am healthy, I don't care if it's "real" running or "fake" running!

My relationship sector is hitting the trough, not that I mind it as much as other sectors in my life. A fairly good friend of more than 20 years recently got married, and I am the last one to know in our circle. That guy used to go after me (in the last 3 years) until we had tons and tons of misnderstandings build up since last August. There weren't much going on between us, but I was upset when I heard the wedding news through the grapevine. Someone also told me Mr Scorpio recently has another new baby, and asked it I still stay in touch with him. What's the point of hanging on to the last chapter, when everyone else is eager to read the new chapters. And I also put a full stop to the tangle with a younger guy friend. I wasn't sure whether he was/is admiring me or he likes me as a friend or he likes me as a special friend. He wasn't and still isn't sure. I certainly not sure too.

Younger Guy Friend: I think you like me.
Pancake: I believe I likeD you, yes. I did.
YGF: No woman ever said that directly to me.
Pancake: Well, either you see it as I am wiser, or I am older.
YGF: How about now?
Pancake: The feeling has gone coz during those time when you were either unsure or you were avoiding me, I heard rumours about I was craze to be involved with you in "Demi-Kutcher" relationship. Actually, I have given it a thought, but I am not that serious in pursuing a fruitless relationship with you, so I have put a full stop to my feelings.
YGF: Can full stop be reverted into a comma?
Pancake: No. I don't see a future. Hobby wise, we click. Life wise, you are almost a decade younger than me. I don't want to be asked if I were your mother when I am 55. Ok, I think too much. I tend to think too much, but that's I am.

Well, I believe I am not the only one who found life's unfair. I am sure many found it the same way too. But that's life, isn't it.


Anonymous said...

The friend of yours who mentioned treadmill is not real running.

I think he/she doesn't know what's running. How sad!

pancake Queen said...

She is a weird woman. But, it's ok. I am not affected too much by her word. I heard, digested and moved on with my own way of life ;p