A Message?

A moth flew into our living room, and stayed in there for more than 24 hours yesterday evening. My parents believe that moth carries the soul of our ancestors who come visit their descendants especially on birthdays or festive seasons. So, we didn't chase it away. The moth seemed to enjoy the atmosphere and stayed quietly at the corner without disturbing us. Pardon me for the occasional superstition, could it be carrying my grandma's soul? 

More And Less

I may have Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD) when I was 6 or 7. Can't blame me, being the firstborn in my family and the first grandchild in our family tree, friends and relatives always said I was over-spoilt by my grandmother. I couldn't recall whether it was to get more attention from grown ups or to annoy them further or both (worse!), I liked to pluck feathers from our feather duster that our domestic helper used to sweep dust (as name implies, feather duster). I hated it when these plucked feathers didn't stay in one place, they were flying everywhere and worst when there was breeze aroound. I couldn't recall how many tons (exaggerating perhaps, hahaha ..) of feathers I have chased in the past. The more I chased, the further they flew. Although I didn't give up, I burnt out thinking of ways to run faster and ahead of the lightweight feathers. So, I asked my grandpa.

Pancakeism: Grandpa, how to make feathers stop flying?

Grandpa: What's the purpose of you plucking all feathers when you decide not to let them fly as they want?

Pancakeism: But I hate the feeling that the feather was so close in distance, and yet as I approached it flew effortlessly further and further.

Grandpa: What's the problem with that?

Pancakeism: But I want them to stay as they were. 

Grandpa: Will you be happy that way, if they stayed as they were? Most things in this world will not stay constant. The faster and harder you chase after the feather, the faster it will fly when you exert too much pressure around it because its weight is too light. 

30+ years later

Pancakeism: Now I know. What should fly, don't trap. What should go, don't keep. The letting go process may be painful, but it's by letting go and re-assessing the opportunity cost that you'll find new solution/s and new direction for your life. 

No Visitors, Again?

Earlier on, I was slightly upset when no one participated in the poll I prepared, so I removed the widget the next day. 

I almost wanted to remove another widget last Friday, but it was a pleasant surprise to learn that my blog does have readers and visitors, the statistics counter wasn't lying afterall ;-)

No Caffeine, Thanks

Although I am in the process of cutting down my caffeine intake, I must say it's refreshing to look at these three mugs of tea lattes. 

Simple Life

Why some people like to interpret simple things in their own complicated ways?

Definitely, May Be .. Shopaholic

I love statistics, but I don't believe in the application of statistics in lottery winning. Some dreamt about a combination of numbers, bought the lottery number, got the prize - to date, I believe this is purely luck. There are some research investigating whether lottery winning is based on the game of probability or people are just simply lucky. 

Yesterday, to de-stress during lunch break, I was thinking on a few things I may do/buy if I was that lucky to win a lottery of $50k. I know this is boring .. well, just some random thoughts. 

Yeah definitely. Family holiday trip and sponsoring education are always on top of my list. Taking my family on a two weeks holiday visiting a few of the UNESCO World Heritage Sites would be enriching and de-stressing. Then, I am thinking of sponsoring education of some children in the less developed world. I am a strong believer of education as one of the most effective tools to break their vicious cycle of poverty. 

And, what will I buy? The list rolled from 1 item to 3 items then to 6, but I stopped at #8. 

Coach Bleecker Canvas Tote

Rado Sintra Jubile Watch

Tiffany "Please Return To" Ring

March Jacobs Sunglasses

Cartier Love Bangle

Mont Blanc Signing Pen

Marc Jacobs Dress

Marc Jacobs Trenchcoat

During my first economics lesson, my teacher taught the class: [Resources are Limited, but Wants are Unlimited].

Pancakeism page 110708 says: [Before 35, you buy mainly because you want them. After 35, you buy because you need them. But, to add on what have been said, there is variation in everyone's bandwidth of wants and needs].

Part Of My Plan

When I have sufficient time and money one day, this will be the type 

of family-friendly cafe-res (ie. cafe-restaurant) that I want - simple (minus the wall decor, haha). 

Life 2 Unfair

For the past two nights, I have been dreaming of pregnancy and baby. One of the more reliable sources deciphers "pregnancy" as "you have supressed many thoughts and ideas inside you", and "baby" implies "new ideas".

In a way, it may be true. There are many men and women my age, who don't have to work hard to get what they want. Some that I have come to know, even have good things fall on their plates without much effort.

Life is so unfair, to me. In the past 12 months, I have been thinking of this issue. I have blamed it on my capability a few times before, I have blamed on my luck, I have blamed on my networking skills, I have blamed on faith, I have blamed on time, I have blamed on many things, and recently I have just come to notice - even without those factors that I have put the blame on, outcome will still be the same for many of the things I am experiencing now.

My career is going nowhere. There are many who acknowledge my capability, and there are many who also putting many things dificult for me. I am friendly for I was raised to treat everyone as equal, and I am a firm believer of respect and not putting anyone down.

Yesterday I was very upset for two incidents. (1) I attended a function and was invited to sit beside a senior colleague whom I haven't met for 7 years. Her assistant wasn't aware of the invitation, and told me, "You can't sit here. These seats are for senior administrative officers" (note: no apology or equivalent words were mentioned). Then, (2) a friend was asking me for tips in running. I don't claim experts in this sphere, but I do read a lot in the past 6-7 months since I re-start my fitness regime. A mutual friend heard our conversation, and commented: No use you run on treadmill. That's not real running. That's just leisure.

Be it hobby, sports or leisure, as long as I am healthy, I don't care if it's "real" running or "fake" running!

My relationship sector is hitting the trough, not that I mind it as much as other sectors in my life. A fairly good friend of more than 20 years recently got married, and I am the last one to know in our circle. That guy used to go after me (in the last 3 years) until we had tons and tons of misnderstandings build up since last August. There weren't much going on between us, but I was upset when I heard the wedding news through the grapevine. Someone also told me Mr Scorpio recently has another new baby, and asked it I still stay in touch with him. What's the point of hanging on to the last chapter, when everyone else is eager to read the new chapters. And I also put a full stop to the tangle with a younger guy friend. I wasn't sure whether he was/is admiring me or he likes me as a friend or he likes me as a special friend. He wasn't and still isn't sure. I certainly not sure too.

Younger Guy Friend: I think you like me.

Pancake: I believe I likeD you, yes. I did.

YGF: No woman ever said that directly to me.

Pancake: Well, either you see it as I am wiser, or I am older.

YGF: How about now?

Pancake: The feeling has gone coz during those time when you were either unsure or you were avoiding me, I heard rumours about I was craze to be involved with you in "Demi-Kutcher" relationship. Actually, I have given it a thought, but I am not that serious in pursuing a fruitless relationship with you, so I have put a full stop to my feelings.

YGF: Can full stop be reverted into a comma?

Pancake: No. I don't see a future. Hobby wise, we click. Life wise, you are almost a decade younger than me. I don't want to be asked if I were your mother when I am 55. Ok, I think too much. I tend to think too much, but that's I am.

Well, I believe I am not the only one who found life's unfair. I am sure many found it the same way too. But that's life, isn't it.

Could You Hear Me?

Mr Scorpio asked me the last time we had lunch together: Have I done something wrong?

Pancake: Yep, you always say "Listen, Listen".

Mr Scorpio: What's wrong with that?

Pancake: You are not wrong, but you've said it to a person who has listened enough and it's timely for her words to be heard too.

A young colleague asked Pancake three weeks ago, "What kind of guy will attract you?"

Pancake: A guy with good ears.

Colleague: Ears?? All of us have ears.

Pancake: Well, not all of us have a pair of good listening ears.

Post Script: Don't call me a feminist, but I don't agree with the latter part of the book title (see enclosed picture) which says "women can't read maps". Even before the invention of GPS, I could read maps faster, better, and point out more accurate routes than my male friends. The phrase would read more appropriately as "women don't like to read maps" especially when there are men who are willing to read for them.

Courage.Energy.Power

My brother bought me a digital camera for my birthday last year. I hardly use it and still very much rely on my 02 phone camera to take most of daily photos. I must not be complacent with the inferior quality of photos I have taken. I must start to take quality photos using the "proper" camera.

I have written a lot today. I am in the writing mood. I feel very calm and contented with my life. My shoulders have become lighter when I decide to "Let Go" and "Move On".

'Dance like nobody's watching;

love like you've never been hurt.

Sing like nobody's listening;

live like it's heaven on earth.'

- Mark Twain