Friday, January 09, 2009

Where Do I Stand?

Everyone's relationship path is different. Mine is uniquely ... err ... pitiful (note: I am laughing at myself as I typed these words, so don't worry about me). 

I have always wanted to be noticed. I want to be heard. I want to be seen. I want to be recognised. I want to be a part of. I want to belong to. Yet in my relationship paths, I have always been the unnoticeable one and worse, the neglected clown. 

"Hi, thought our feelings were mutual. Err ... Congratulations, have I met her before?"

I have blamed on time. I have thought about luck. I was told I haven't shown enough interests. I was told I prioritised my work over any other things. I was told I have never seem to be serious in acknowledging the feelings were mutual. 

Don't say it was all good intention and you've never meant to hurt me, because you did

But, nobody can and nobody will hurt me again because I have quit this silly game that is called love. I've waited too long for miracles. I've always hoped for I would be the lead role and not the supporting role. I thought someday I'll have my own version of happily-ever-after. Well, it was all waiting in vain. 

Recently, I stumbled upon a song playing on radio. The name of that Mandarin song is: Onions. I love those chorus (translation reads): 

When you talked about you and her, I have learnt to hide my feelings and learnt to laugh with you. 

If you were to peel layers by layers of my heart, you would eventually regret those words that you said because you would find that it was you who occupied the deepest layer. However, in contrast I have always been the condiments in your eyes. You've never tried to observe nor do you understand me. 

Please revert to the first paragraph. Mine is uniquely err ... pitiful ... BUT interesting. It got me to think about: (a) How do people measure their feelings? and (b) Where is the line dividing mutual feelings from wishful thinking?

P.S.: Don't worry about me. Pancakeism prefers to live in present tense and dreams about future tense ;-)

No comments: