What is your phoebia?

Sub-title of today's page: The Other Side of The Story

During a casual chat with a new friend in Vietnam two weeks ago, he asked me what are my three greatest fear?

He told me his list: (a) boss misunderstands him; (b) women crying in front of him and (c) no peace.

I shared with him my list: (1) Marriage; (2) no money (hence no food on table) and (3) feeling helpless.

He showed me a disbelief face when he saw what appeared on top of my phoeb list. He immediately commented that I shouldn't have a lack of suitors to prove that first answer wrong. In fact, he was wrong. My marriage phoebia began when I was 14 or 15 years old (Thanks to my unnecessary good long term memory). I started to lose faith in the marriage institution ever since I saw in a movie a poor, married man swept away all food on the dining table which his skinny wife was about to eat. From then on, I am afraid of marriage, no money, no food and the sense of helplessness (the exact feeling the poor wife must have felt when her angry husband threw away her food).

I fear in my marriage:
1. my husband would hit me with a baseball bat
2. my husband would ignore all my creative suggestions and think they are all rubbish
3. my husband would reduce my confidence to as low as a doormat
4. my husband would stop listening to me
5. my husband would think I could never be better or at least as good as him in everything

I once shared with Aunt Agnes that I am a marriage phoeb.
Guess what was her response?

Aunt Agnes: why made you think so?

Pancake: because I worried one day he'll stop to love me, and in one movie I watched many years ago, the husband hit the wife with a baseball bat and called her STUPID. You know how I hate people say the word S-T-U-P-I-D.

Aunt Agnes: don't worry my dear. With your arms' strength, it's more like the case of you hit your husband with your plain right hand than he hits you with a baseball bat.

Sigh ..... Aunt Agnes definitely not the right person to discuss marriage phoeb. She knew she was not only "like" but definitely was (IS) "in love" with Uncle Richard the minute she bumped into him when she was a secondary five student while Uncle Richard was the library assistant. They had a marathon, long distance relationship because grandpa sent Aunt away to work in a foreign land. Finally in 1986 (may be 9 years after their first date), they got married without blessing from grandpa. I admired Aunt Agnes for her courage. From day one of her marriage, she never regretted her choice and never doubt Uncle Richard's sincerity. They have had many ups and downs in their marriage, and have agreed to disagree on many issues, but never disagree for one minute that they will take care of each other till they are old, without teeth. How romantic. Now, they live together in Malaysia with two beautiful children, my cousins Belinda & Brian.

Now, what is/are your phoebia?