I've talked quite a bit on the topic of love recently, today I'm going to shift to the topic of friendship.
Some days when I feel guilty for over-indulging in my work, I'll send text messages (to find out if they are not driving or not caught up in a meeting) and followed up by a phone call to let friends know I am okay and how's their life been treating them.
There are days I will call my old friends like Gabriel* & Godol* at 11pm to chat basically on anything ranges from work, their girlfriend to serious issues like Miss Congeniality's World Peace (hehe ....). It was the same when I was in Brisbane. I would call A-dang* & Song* (my good buddies in UQ before) anytime when I felt like chatting, and they had never not answered my calls. I'm too complacent with the friendships situation I have, and therefore unaware that some of my text messages might be seen as nuisance and/or my phone calls are value-added burden to some friends.
Why did I say that?
Precisely four days ago, I had lunch with two friends. This is how the conversation went:
Pancake: Last Saturday I called a friend on his handphone trying to find out how is he getting on with his new job. He didn't answer my call. Strange. May be he was outstation?
Friend A** (male): No company will send a new guy outstation after only 2 weeks working with them.
Pancake: Well, he's not exactly new at that agency. He was seconded there for 8 months before the confirmation.
Friend B ** (female): May be he didn't receive your call. I didn't see your missed call when you told me you called me the last time, remember like two months ago.
Pancake: Really? OK, I am convinced.
Friend A** (male): You know ... you shouldn't be calling or sending him text anymore. He might be taking those as signals that you are interested in him. His rejecting your phone call and not replying your text are his replies that he is not interested in you!
Pancake: BUT I AM NOT INTERESTED IN HIM! I just want to find out how is he getting on in his new job, as a friend who cares.
Friend B** (female): Agreed. Pancake always does that. She called me often when I was at my last phase of PhD to see if I was coping okay. She treats everyone the same. If she likes the guy, I think she will let him know upright. Right?
Pancake: Yes! Absolutely. I wasn't aware that, from men's point of view, a friend calling another friend implies that she's interested in him, and vice versa!?!? So I called Friend B when she was in Australia, did that suggest I was a lesbian infatuating in her?? (Laugh with Friend B).
I used to think ICT narrows down our communication gap. However, now I feel ICT in fact pulls people apart if the technology is not efficienctly used.
* These are real names.
**Real names will be revealed only when I've consents from friends. So, if you knew I was referring to you and you would like your real name be revealed, send me a text to my handphone. Prove to me we are not Flintstones.
5 comments:
I think your guy friend generalized what a typical guy should be.
I agree with you that sms-ing friends to stay in touch is perfectly fine. It would be so sad to think that we can only freely sms-ing our same gender mates. Friends are supposed to be boundary-less even in Flintstones age :).
Yes, his implication is so gender-stereotyping!
Feverish, you are reading Freya North's Pip, and yet now you are asking me whether you could read about this posting. Sigh, for God's sake, my blog is always tagged with G - for General readers. Btw, another time I am going to remind you - Pip is for 18+.
To feverish - This entry has a few learning points. They are:
(1) We should not generalize or stereotype because it narrows our perspective.
(2) We should not be narrow-minded. The world is too big and wide for us to think narrowly.
(3) Do not take wholesale of what others said to me[other than family members], they may have their own agenda. Take it with a pinch of salt.
These are 3 key points for you to remember. Always look at things from a different perspective, that's what makes us even more unique.
To Woofhams & feverish: I like Digital Fortress by Dan Brown better than his Da Vinci Code. Reading Da Vinci Code now gives me a bit of feeling like jumping on bandwagon, honestly.
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