Friday, July 18, 2008

Chivary Vs Independence

I attended a meeting two months back, and there was this young guy attended the meeting in his boss's place. Basically, he complimented most things I did and said, to the extent sometimes one just couldn't differentiate between whether those were compliments or facts. I am well know in our circle for my fierce independence, but that doesn't imply I mind if another human being on earth offers to open the door for me when my hands are full.

Anyway, an elder, who has known me for years, commented on the young guy when he opened the door for me, took coffee for me during meetings break. Elder said to young guy, "I thought chivary has long gone, or you are the only exception".
May be me being the firstborn does have an impact on my independence. I was taught to lead my younger siblings and younger cousins. In school when I was younger, I offered to lift heavy chairs and I stood up to protect the smaller girls in class. I used to be given names by boys in school eg. "The Ugly Tomgirl". Tomgirl instead of Tomboy because with my beautiful bob hairstyle and my girly pink pencil cases, I didn't exactly qualify as Tomboy. Eventually, I grew up to not even know how to delegate work - I am improving on it.

In my twenties, I admired at how my female friends could get their boyfriend to carry their heavy shopping bags without complaints. Their boyfriend sent them home after dinner, they opened the door for them, and they even bought expensive gifts for them while I bought everything myself with my hard-earned money (note: tint of sour grape). In my thirties, I admire at how younger women could get men my age to pull out the chair for them to sit down.

I recalled 8 years ago, my mother, my sister Woofhams and I were chatting in our living room, and I called out when the tv showed a guy sending his gf home and called her on her hand phone again when he reached home to make sure she's safe at home.

Pancake: "Geez, as if she is not safe before she met him"
Mama and Woofhams told me, "That's basic chivary act and dating etiquette"

And that comment really got me thinking about my dating experiences:

1) My date didn't stand when I approached the table
2) My date didn't pull out the chair for me to sit down
3) My date hardly allowed me to go through the door first
4) My date hardly opened the doors for me, including car doors
5) My date didn't offer to pay for meals instead of "go dutch" or "you earn more than me".

Sometimes I wish my date came to fetch me in a bike, at least that would give myself more excuse as to why my date didn't volunteer to open the door for me. Sighz. 

Mama said to me, "You will never get when you never ask". Mama always has a much higher IQ and EQ than me. 

I believe it was my wise decision to dump my dates, and I also believe "the right one" just not among them.


All About Witchcraft and Spells said...

I like your blog!

Pancake Queen said...

Thanks AAWS! Come back and visit more ...